Fast Times At Hogwarts High
by dirtyharriet
Summary: Add a couple of 17 yr old Hogwarts students- two new girls- Professors and school- Some empty classrooms and detentions- And you've got one naughty concoction! They're 17 yr olds with one thing on their mind! Watch out for a bit of slash! R & R
1. New Girls and Staring

Dedication- I would first of all like to dedicate this story to all the Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Tom Felton lovers out there. This story is for you because it is of course all our fantasy to make out with them LOL. They are so incredibly hot and I love them all.

But most of all I want to dedicate this to my dearest friends Annah Theo, and of course the always outrageous Joanne aka Momo. Without them none of this would have been possible. This is their story and I am giving it to them.

Love you guys! 

If you've ever dreamed of getting with Harry, Ron or Malfoy then this story is for you. I have been told that it is quite humorous, it's a comedy so I guess that's a good thing. Doesn't contain many spells. You may find it a little naughty in come parts- well most parts but overall I think that anyone with an imagination(possibly a dirty imagination LOL) should find it thoroughly enjoyable. 

Rating: PG.15. 

Disclaimer: 

JK Rowling is a bloody brilliant (as Ron would say) writer. She has restored the faith in reading that I never had. These are her characters and her settings. So I do not own them, don't go suing as I have no money of which to speak of. I own the plot but without the characters she has created the plot probably wouldn't exist. JK Rowling has an amazing mind.

Chapter One- New Girls and Staring.

"Excuse me Mr Potter", 

Harry looked up to find a slightly less than impressed Snape glaring down at him. 

"Could you repeat what I just said?"

Oh shit thought Harry. It seemed he had slipped into another one of his daydream like comas-, which seemed to serve well- especially in potions.

"ummmm..."

"Mr Potter it appears that you have not been listening would I be correct in this assumption?"

"ummm...yes " replied Harry looking up at Snape who towered above him.

"And had you been listening, which you obviously weren't, you would have been able to recall that I was explaining to the class the properties of Grindylow skin. Well Potter what do you have to say for your short attention span behavior?" (A/N: A-D-D?lol)

"ummmmm..."

"10 Points from Gryffindor!"

Without thinking Harry shot out, "Why?" The rest of the class held their breaths knowing perfectly well it was quite dangerous to back chat Snape.

"Why... (Sounding sarcastic) 5 for not paying attention, another 5 for not knowing the answer and a detention for answering back!" He snapped.

Detention! Harry thought but just as he was about to answer back again Hermione pulled him back- "it's not worth it", she whispered.

"Excuse me!" piped up a small voice from across the room. "Excuse me Professor Snape sir, ummm I don't think you should've given Harry a detention." 

By now the whole class had turned around and were all looking at this girl wondering what had made her stand up to Snape. 

Feeling everyone's eyes upon her she sunk back into her seat.

"I know you may be new here Ms Olivieri but I think you best learn that questioning your professors is not a good start. Learn it quickly", he growled.

He walked back over to his desk turned back to face the class looked at her and said, "You will join Mr Potter in detention tonight in the dungeons. Now if there are no more interruptions I will continue", he said scowling at both Harry and the girl. 

Snape continued ranting on about Hinkypunk livers and Red Cap blood, but Harry didn't pay any attention. He was too busy staring at the girl who stood up for him. What's her name? he wondered. He hadn't seen her before but he saw that she wore a yellow and maroon scarf, which meant she was in Gryffindor. Harry couldn't believe he had never noticed her before. She was a small girl not very tall with long chocolate coloured hair that fell gracefully to her shoulders and dazzling blue eyes. Harry felt fixed upon this girl and he couldn't take his eyes off her.

"Harry! Hey Harry!" whispered Ron from across the table while Snape's back was turned. 

"What?" snapped Harry who was cranky from being interrupted from his own thoughts.

"Harry, look over there." Said Ron pointing with a devilish grin on his face. 

He was pointing at Malfoy who had his eyes fixated on a girl in front of him. 

Harry laughed but then covered it up by pretending to cough and clear his throat. 

The girl sitting in front of him was writing on her parchment with a silver feathered quill. She had blonde wavy hair that was shoulder length.  Her eyes were blue and her skin was lightly tanned. 

Ron seemed to get quite a kick out of seeing Malfoy 'drool' over this girl, he kept quietly chuckling to himself at the thought of Malfoy being mushy and buying her boxes of chocolate and flowers.

"Who is she?" Harry asked. 

"She's just arrived, her name is Joanne. She's in Gryffindor." stated Hermione. 

Ron looked up at the ceiling pretending to pray. He closed his eyes, put his hands together and chanted:

"Dear lord, we thank you for this fine meal we are about to receive in our common room... OWW!" ( Hermione had just slapped him on the shoulder)

"...and may we be truly thankful and remember looks aren't everything, " he quickly added.


	2. Bras, unintended slashes and git fights

Chapter 2 - Bras, unintended slashes and git fights 

"Hello!" Ron said waving his hand in front of Harry, which had no effect whatsoever. They continued walking to the Gryffindor tower and still Harry paid no attention to either of them. There was only one thing on his mind or should I say girl. "Harry you mindless git" Ron yelled at him, but Harry took no notice.

"Let me try" Hermione said as she began to undo the top buttons of her robes. Ron's jaw nearly hit the floor. He tried to avoid the temptation to let his eyes stray down to her open robes- which where becoming open quite quickly. 

"Harry, Look at my bra!" She said very straightforwardly. But still it got no reaction from Harry at all. 

"I thought so", Hermione muttered as she buttoned up her robes. 

"You thought wha- Why are you doing that?" 

"Oh Ron get your head out of the gutter" , she scolded. "Well I just think that it's not fair that Harry gets a show and I don't." 

He whined like a three year old. "I'll have you note that I didn't do that for Harry's or YOUR entertainment. I did it to prove a point." She stated. 

"And what point would that be", Ron asked grinning. He didn't care what point she was trying to prove she should prove them more often. 

"That Harry's infatuated with someone." As she spoke she noticed Ron's eyes trailing down from her eyes. Down down you know where. 

"I mean he is male and I did just open up my robes right in front of his face, and he didn't even look" 

"Yeah that can sometimes happen… " Ron answered dreamily. " I mean I wonder who it could be?" He said quickly pulling himself out of the Hermione trance. 

"Hey Harry who ya got a crush on?" Hermione rolled her eyes. Smooth Ron. Way to approach the all time sensitive subject. 

"What?" Harry blushed. 

"Come on Harry. You haven't spoken a word to either of us since we left potions. I know you're thinking bout someone cause you don't think often- come to think of it neither do I" He shrugged his shoulders. "It's the girl from across the room isn't it", Hermione piped up. 

Ignoring them still Harry said the password "Frizzle sparks" and the three of them entered the portrait hole into the common room. "Harry its not like we're gonna care who it is. I mean it cant be that bad. Unless…"- a look of fake shock spread across his face- "it's Malfoy isn't it! Harry how could you?" Ron mocked. He clutched his hand to his heart pretending to gasp for breath. "Harry don't invite me to the wedding…"(in a serious tone) then he broke off – "I don't think there would be enough buckets. But I suppose your going to elope. I don't know how Lucius would feel about his son's… aherm 'lifestyle' choice. Harry think of the children you two could have!!" He said laughing. Harry however was not amused except for when Ron ran his knee into one of the tables because he was laughing so hard. 

"Pay no attention to him Harry", she said glaring at Ron who was yelping and rubbing his sore knee. "Well you know you have a detention with her tonight. It'll give you a chance to get to aherm know her". 

"What makes you think it's her anyway", Harry defended himself. Hermione raised her eyebrows. 

"Well I'm going to get and early start on dinner. You know what Snape's like if your 5 seconds late" Harry told his friends. "Sure your not running off to see a certain someone who will be there at detention" Ron said with an cheeky smirk on his face. 

"Yes Ron your right. I'm running off to be with Snape. Please don't tell Malfoy. He'll be crushed" Harry said just as cheekily. Ron gave a shudder. Then they all burst out laughing. 

Harry continued making his way out then Hermione and Ron were left alone. 

"So I was wondering. Do you think you could show me that aherm technique you used just before." 

"I'd be delighted to." Ron's face perked up. "Except I'm worried that you're umm… wand may come between us. Like before." She said coolly walking away. 

She saw! Ron thought. 

"Yeah that's right! " He called after her. " It was my wand! You gotta believe me!!! My Bloody Wand!" 

"Whatever!" She called over her shoulder. 

Harry made his way over to the Gryffindor table. He sat down by himself and his plate was suddenly stacked with roast potatoes, lamb chops, gravy and many other delicious foods. (Courtesy of the house elves of course) But he couldn't eat. He didn't think he could stomach any food right now. He looked over and noticed the blonde haired girl, the one Malfoy had been staring at in potions. (A/N: god the whole world revolves around potions lol) She was playing some sort of eye game with someone because she kept winking and smiling and mouthing words like 'yes', and 'lots'. Harry couldn't make out the others because they seemed to be quite long. 

He looked around to see whom she might be winking at. It was someone over at the Slytherin table. He looked at who was sitting there. Crabbe? No he was very much involved with a chicken leg. Goyle? No he was making a mountain that consisted of mashed potatoes peas and carrots. There was Pansy Parkinson and a group of her friends next along the table, but unless this girl was lesbian he didn't think so. Besides they seemed to be deeply engaged in their conversation. This left… Malfoy? 

She was playing eye games with Malfoy? 

Well they looked to be more than eye games now. They were turning into mouth, tongue and err...finger games. They were becoming a bit heated. 

Harry shook his head in an ewww sort of way and then went back to his own thoughts. I mean he'd rather be thinking about his own thoughts than the thoughts of those two. He pushed his plate away and got up. 

Why do I feel so nervous? 'I know why' came that annoying voice from the back of his head. Trying to ignore it Harry thought, I wonder what torture he'd be enduring for detention this time. There it was again, 'You can't stop thinking about her! That's why you're nervous!! You like her!!' 

"Quiet you!" He said out loud. People were staring. Feeling rather embarrassed that he had let the little voice get the best of him he got up and hurried out of the hall feeling all those horrible eyes upon him and hearing little comments like, 

"D'you think that's normal?" 

"Well he did defeat a powerful dark lord last year, maybe it left him with no inner monologue." 

Harry felt nervous. Not the normal nervousness felt by most students who faced an evening of detention with Snape or even the nervousness felt before a quidditch match. No this was a different kind of nervousness. This nervousness was being caused by someone- not someone he feared. He gave into the annoying little voice and faced the facts, it was because of her. God I don't even know her name and I can't stop thinking about her. Then he started to bolt down the corridors. Faster and faster. He rounded every corner then on the second last one he ran smack face into someone else. They both fell back onto the floor. "I'm so sorry", came a sweet voice. Harry got up and looked down to see whom it was. "Oh, I didn't see you come round the corner. I'm not sure where Snape's office is I was looking around to hopefully find you." Harry was glad she did. She was even more beautiful close up. He was once again met with her shoulder length chocolate covered hair. Her blue eyes sparkled up at him. Remembering his manners he offered his hand to her and helped her up. 

"Thanks Harry", she said brightly. 

"How do you know me?" Harry asked. Then reality struck him. Not only was he the only person ever to survive an attack by the dark Lord, but he had also defeated him in his 6th year at Hogwarts. There wasn't a witch or wizard in the world who didn't know who he was. The lighting bolt scar on his forehead didn't help either. "You're the Gryffindor seeker silly! I love quidditch! Best sport there is" Harry felt like he was talking to Ron. For once someone had known who he was for something other than defeating the dark lord yadda yadda yadda. She didn't even gape at his forehead like most people- well all people do when they meet him for the first time. "I'm sorry, I don't even know your name", he managed to stutter. 

"Its Elisabeth. Spelt with an S." 

Must be for sexy Harry thought. They stared into each others eyes for a few minutes but it was broken when Elisabeth said, 

"We'd better get to detention. Professor Snape will be sore with us if we're late." "You're not wrong there", Harry agreed. They hurried towards Snape's office and Harry pushed open the dirty old door. It opened with a loud creak. 

"Ms Olivieri, Mr Potter, thankyou for finally turning up to detention." He stared down at them. "I hope you do realize that you are both 3 minutes late" They both rolled their eyes when he wasn't looking. "But I am willing to over look this. Provided you both complete your detentions to a high standard. Now I want all the supply cupboards cleaned out and the ingredients placed in alphabetical order and all the tables and chairs scrubbed and cleaned. My desk polished too. I want to be able to see my face in it. Do I make myself clear?" "Yes Professor" They answered together. 

"Now I have some business of my own to attend to. Get to work!" His robes flew past them the door opened and then shut with a bang! 

"Better get started", said Harry gloomily. He showed Elisabeth where the cleaning supplies were and then set to work unpacking the shelves and sorting them like Snape had instructed. 

"I want to see my face in the desk", she said mimicking Snape. Harry laughed. 

'Ask her!' There was that voice again. 

"Umm why did you do it?" He asked then quickly busied himself back in the cupboard. 

"Do what?" She asked. 

"Stand up for me. I mean it doesn't really seem like the smartest thing to do seeing as you got a detention too." 

"It's just I don't like seeing injustice go on" 

What injustice it was just a normal potions class Harry thought.

"Harry I was brought up to stand up for myself. I want to help people. I saw you were being treated unfairly and I wanted to do something about it." "Oh okay then." 

"Plus Snape is such a bastard!" Harry looked dumbfounded at her. I mean yes it was true Snape was, is a bastard but she had just come right out and said it so casually. "So is that the only reason?" he asked looking up at her. 

"Well that and I think your really cute" (oops expression on her face) 

Harry looked up again. Did she just say what I think she just said? 

"I mean I like you" Oh shit- That just made it worse she thought. 

She said she liked me! She likes me !!! 

Feeling her face going bright red Elisabeth got up and moved hastily toward the cupboard pretending she needed more cleaner. Harry looked over at the bottle on the table it was nearly full. He smiled. 

"What are you doing over there", He asked evilly. "Just getting some more cleaner." she answered trying to bury herself in the cupboard. He got up and walked over to her. 

"Oh I see", he said sarcastically. 

"Harry don't be such a stupid git." She said playfully. 

"Oh I'm the git? As opposed to the git who cant tell the difference between something that is almost full or empty?" 

"I'll have you know it takes a very experienced git to clean tables and chairs?" 

"How experienced a git do you need to be?" 

"Well it cant be taken on by just ANY old git." 

"So this git has to have no sense of volume or measurement?" 

"Well I happen to believe that the glass or bottle is half empty rather than half full." "Well I guess that puts me in my place." 

"So you admit that you're a big stupid git then?" 

"I wouldn't go that far." He said pulling her closer to him till the space between them was no more.


	3. Certain Gestures can lead to Trouble

Chapter 3- Certain Gestures can lead to Trouble.

So much for relying on my robes - Ron thought to himself as he entered the great hall. He saw Hermione sitting at the table. He was about to sit next to her but he had second thoughts. Maybe I'd better sit across the table. – just in case. 

She was sitting at the table reading a rather thick book when she noticed Ron. 

"Hi. There's a free seat next to me if you want it", she asked. 

"Umm no thanks. I think I'll just sit here. You get a better view… I mean of the castle. – he stuttered- You know the grounds outside." Phew! He thought. 

She smiled at him. He's still embarrassed about it. He's so cute when he's nervous.

"I wonder how Harry's going in detention?" 

"Hermione, I'm trying to eat here and the last thing I need is a picture in my mind of Harry getting knocked up by Snape", He joked. 

"Ron, is sex the only thing you ever think about?" 

Yeah what else is there- Ron's thoughts- 

"Umm no. God Hermione I can't believe you'd say that!" He mocked. "What if I died in my sleep? How would you feel knowing that the last words you spoke to me were, 'is sex the only thing you think about'- he quoted her. " I am much more sensitive than that!" He said looking directly at Hermiones chest. 

"Ok. I'm sorry I misjudged you to be so shallow" she teased. "Uh Ron my eyes are up here" 

Ron blushed. 

" I know where your eyes are! I was just admiring that colour on you"- bearing in mind they are black robes and all of the students have to wear them.

She smiled at Ron and he blushed again. 

"Hey there's Joanne. She's sitting by herself, maybe we should go say hi to her," Hermione offered. 

"As nice a thought as that is, I think she's pretty well occupied at the moment" Ron pointed over to the Slytherin table. Malfoy was mouthing words to Joanne and she was giggling at them. Then she'd make little gestures back to him. The only time they stopped was when Professor Snape began talking to Joanne about an assignment of hers that was late- and that it had better be handed in or she would receive a detention- When Snape had interfered in their 'game' Malfoy became very interested in his dinner all of a sudden. Snape gave one last fierce look and then wandered out. 

"I don't know what that word was but it had more than 4 syllables," Ron said. Hermione went back to her book, but Ron was watching these two. 

"Wow I didn't know Malfoy had such a wide vocabulary!" He looked back over to Hermione but she wasn't paying any attention. She was really wrapped up in this book. 

"What are you reading that is so much more interesting than watching a Gryffindor and a Slytherin play verbal tag?" 

"Oh it wouldn't interest you," She said returning to her book.

"Try me"

"Like I said it wouldn't interest you. It's nothing."

What nothing? Hermione usually loved to share whatever it was she was reading about- in hopes that it would encourage Ron or Harry to read more- no luck there. Why doesn't she want me to know?

"What is in that book that could be more fascinating then sitting here talking to me?"

he joked. 

"Ron, it may shock you to know that there are these things called books and some of them are ten times more fascinating then watching you perve on Malfoy and Joanne" 

"I am so insulted you said that!" He exclaimed pretending to be deeply offended. " I'm quite a good catch if I ever saw one. If I wasn't me I'd date me." Self-satisfied look on his face.

"If you weren't you then you'd be able to see what a complete twat you can be sometimes"

"Well I'm a twat that's learning", he said giving her one of his charming grins. 

"Well as much as I'd like to stay and chat with my favorite twat (that rhymes!!) I'm off to the library" 

Ron eyes followed her arse out of the Great Hall. I'm her favorite twat, Ron thought happily to himself.

Then he went back to surveilancing the Gryffindor and Slytherin continue their 'game'. Joanne got up and walked over to Malfoy and whispered something in his ear, 

"I'm just going up to the library I need to finish my potions essay. I'll meet you on the fourth floor corridor-next to the rusting suit of armor. See you real soon"

Ron couldn't hear what she was saying but it was obviously very tantalizing because a wicked smile spread over Malfoy's face. Then Joanne moved away from the Slytherin table and walked out. 

"Well" Snape glared into his desk seeing the reflection of himself. "It seems you've done as I have asked. I can indeed see my face in the desk."

Harry and Elisabeth held their breaths. Would he be pleased enough? Yes they had done as Snape had asked but would he find out what else they had been up to?

"I'll check the cupboards", He said suspiciously. He knelt down giving a thorough inspection in every shelf bottom to top.

"Your ear!" Elisabeth whispered through her teeth to Harry. "Lipstick on your ear"- she whispered more fiercely trying not to let Snape hear.

Harry almost immediately got the message and pulled his sleeve down and began wiping his ear. 

"Thanks" he whispered back.

Suddenly Harry looked very funny. He was staring at her…

"Neck" He gritted through his teeth.

"What?"

He pointed to the red mark on her neck.

"All right then" Snape's head unexpectedly popped out of the cupboards making them both jump. Elisabeth whacked her hand to her neck to cover the mark.

"Everything seems to be done correctly. Ah Ms Olivieri why are you holding your neck?" He looked at her very strangely.

"Umm neck cramp. I couldn't think of a spell to relieve it so I'm doing it the muggle way." 

"I see", he replied looking slightly puzzled. "You're both dismissed", he sneered.

Harry noticed him pull something gold out of his pocket. It appeared to be a few strands of someone's hair. But he put it to the back of his mind and proceeded to the door following Elisabeth. When they were both outside he felt a soft hand grab his. 

Joanne grabbed her books from the table in her dorm and took off to the library. If I hurry I can be in and out and then meet Malfoy. She chuckled to herself thinking of something Malfoy had mouthed to her before. She then realized she was laughing out loud and that it looked quite disturbing so she stopped. ( A/N: no I'm not telling what she was laughing at- it's a bit 'R' rated for you people!)

Ahh, all done, Hermione thought contentedly to herself. She was carrying several books under her arm- one of which was the one she had been previously reading at breakfast. She was looking forward to sitting in the common room by the fire and settling down with one of her many books. 

She gave a small wave to Madame Prince and then exited. 

No sooner had she walked out the door, when she was met with a CRASH! 

"Oh, Hermione. I'm sorry, I'm in kinda a rush" Joanne helped Hermione gather her books. "I wasn't watching where I was going"

"Obviously" Said Hermione handing her a book that she thought was hers. "It's all right You probably had other things on your mind I suspect" with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"You know?"

"Everyone knows! You've both made it very obvious. But I'll have to get you to teach me how you get Malfoy's attention. What you say that makes him go all soft for you. Ron seemed really turned on by it " she joked.

"Well I'd be happy to help you out sometime. But I've gotta finish my potions assignment"

"Well see ya later in the common room then?"

"Umm yeah maybe" with a naughty grin on her face.

Joanne then left Hermione with a bewildered look. Then they both went their separate ways. 

"There you are!" Malfoy exclaimed. 

"Yes here I am" came a silky voice stepping out of the shadows.

" Joanne I don't know why they put you in Gryffindor. I think you'd be much better in Slytherin. With me" 

" What a good idea" she thought out loud. "I mean yes what a very sensual idea"

"Joan-"

"Please call me Momo"

"Ok then… Momo" he replied in a seductive way. So you know Momo I was about to leave I didn't think you were gonna show."

"show…ummm of course I was going to"

"Well you took your time at the library"

"Library? Oh yes the library of course. Lets not talk" she said in a deep voice.

She pushed him up against the wall and began kissing him. 

Wow- he thought- Gryffindors make bloody good snogging partners.

Then she pulled out her wand waved it about and chanted reducio into the-o suit of armor-O! ( A/N:ok I totally suck at spells but I didn't have time to look one up!) and just like that they both found themselves making out in the suit of armor. She ripped his clothes off…

"Harry!!" Elisabeth giggled as they entered the fourth floor corridor. Harry had began nibbling on her ear- which drove her wild!

Then they stopped what they were doing and stared at the suit of armor. They could hear moaning coming form it.

"It sounds like somebody's either in pain or-"

"Shhh Malfoy- I think there's someone outside" but he wouldn't listen he just pressed more kisses on her.

Now it was Harry's turn to take out the wand. 

"Come out –io the person-o in the armor-O!"he commanded.(A/N: again I suck at spells, sorry!) 

Then out popped Malfoy standing in his boxers (they were patterned with little green snakes that hissed their tongues every so often.) with the top of his robes ripped and lipstick marks everywhere there shouldn't be lipstick marks.

Joanne stood beside him hair all over the place robes ruffled up mischievous smile on her face looking quite out of breath.

"Potter! What d'you think you're doing!" shouted an exasperated Malfoy. "I was just about to score you fool!"

"Well I thought- well it sounded like someone was in pain or some kind of agony" he replied innocently. 

"The only agony anyone is in is the agony of being disturbed from my 'activities'" he said back smartly.

"Well if you had a tie or something to indicate this" Harry yelled back.

"We were in a suit of armor! Where was I supposed to hang it" 

Harry gave him a look -which very much hinted to where Malfoy should 'hang' a tie.

"I've gotta go!" Joanne said all of a sudden.

She ran off down the corridor turned the corner and was out of sight.

"Look what you've done now Potter!" 

"Well I guess I owe you one now don't I?" Harry said winking at Malfoy.

"Ohh that's disgusting Potter!"

"I was joking you daft bugger!"

"At least one of us got some action tonight" Malfoy said cheekily pointing at Elisabeth's hickey. She put her hand to it covering it again- blushing profusely.

Red with embarrassment Elisabeth was the next to leave, she rushed back up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower. 

"Well Potter you are a fast mover aren't you?" Malfoy snickered.

"I get the impression you are too" Harry replied, then made tracks back up to the common room.

"Humph!" Malfoy sighed out loud. Wish Joanne hadn't run off like that. He thought miserably to himself. She was so good.

"Draco!"

Malfoy turned around to see who it was. He got quite a surprise.

"Joanne?"

She smiled at him.

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean what am I doing here?" She asked surprised.

"You were just here. I mean you left and …"

"I've been up in the library the whole time"

"No. you were just here. I just made out with you"

"I don't think so!"

" Forget it. Lets pretend we haven't and start all over again" He said coming closer to her.

"No, I refuse to make out with someone who's been lying to me!" she said starting to raise her voice. 

"But I –"

"You've been making out with someone else. It's evident that you're just trying to cover it up! I thought you wanted me! I thought that we could make out together!!! I guess I thought wrong!" She stormed off.

Malfoy stood there mouth wide open. He didn't know what to do or say. The only words he could manage were, 

"What did I do?"


	4. Our little secret

Chapter 4- Our little secret

"All right which one of you did it?" Hermione fumed.

"Did what?" Ron asked baffled.

"Gee I thought after six years of school together you two could be just a little more mature by now" she said practically enraged. 

"By now? I'm not mature and proud of it! –Hermione snickered- 

"What do you think we've done?" Ron asked again.

"Oh very funny, lets steal her books. See what she's been reading about and then make fun just because you wouldn't expect her to glance at a book about-"

"Hermione, calm down" Harry said soothingly. "What book have you lost?"

"It was just a book a picked from the library for a bit of light reading, And I didn't lose it! I had it with me as far as I can remember. I never put it down", she said worryingly.

"Why are you so worked up about this book anyway? It's just a book" Ron said.

"I just… don't' want to err be responsible.. for losing a library book" she stammered.

"It's just one library book Hermione. I'm sure they'll let it go. It's not like you go around losing them on a regular basis" Ron said composedly. 

"This was a different book. If it should fall into someone else's hands it could be- well it wouldn't be very… good"

"Was that the one you were reading at dinner last night?"

"Yes"

"It didn't look that bad from where I was standing"

Yeah from where YOU were standing- Hermione thought.

Hermione rummaged through her bag once again but all she found were her Arithmancy, potions and charms books. Plus two transfiguration books.???

"Don't worry about it! I'll search for it after class. Come on or we'll be late for Transfiguration"

The three of them got up from the table- except Ron who was finishing the few crumbs left on his plate from lunch- and they all headed to their class. 

As they walked out Harry spotted Elisabeth. They both looked at each other and blushed. They hadn't talked since their 'detention', she had gone straight to bed. Harry had stayed in the common room playing a few games of wizards' chess with Ron- Hermione keeping a close eye on Ron – though she hid it by trying to put her head in her book as if she was immensely fascinated by it.

That was another thing! What he would've given to walk with Elisabeth. The sexual tension between Ron and Hermione these days was tighter than ever. They both like each other (DUH!) but both we're to stubborn to actually do something about it. And this had Harry having to make awkward conversation at times.

When they were in the class room Harry immediately took a seat next to Elisabeth, she smiled and made room for him- much to Ron's dislike(he didn't want to sit by himself with Hermione- being stubborn he didn't want it to look like he liked her-like that) 

It's for both our good, Harry thought to himself. But Ron soon got over it. Thinking back to an earlier conversation with Hermione- I'm her favorite twat.

The lesson ran through quite smoothly. They all managed to turn their cauldron's into candy dishes with sweets inside. Though Neville's sweets were black and tasted oddly like cauldron. 

"Please open your text books" Professor Mcgonagall addressed the class. 

All of the students opened their books- but one student got quite a surprise when they opened what they thought was their Transfiguration book. Most of the class burst into fits of laughter. Most except for Hermione and Joanne. 

"Ah.. Ms Higgins. Is there a problem with your book?" 

Moaning and groaning came from Joanne's book. (and it wasn't moaning from pain) 

As soon as Joanne had opened the book it had made noises. 

"OH yes! More more !" The book started screaming, "YES , ALMOST!!! OH GOD YES!!!OH FUC-"

Joanne slammed the book shut. 

"No Professor Mcgonagall, the book is very old. It sometimes makes err sounds." Joanne said going red. And so was Hermione, which nobody noticed.

As soon as Professor Mcgonagall had gotten the classes attention again she continued her lesson. 

Joanne picked up the book. She looked at the inscription on the front. A wizards' Guide to Karma Sutura he read. OH SHIT!

"Ah. Ms Higgins perhaps since you are so good at captivating the class maybe you could read chapter 7 out loud for us" Professor Mcgonagall asked.

Joanne searched furiously through her bag and around the desk in hope she would find her real transfiguration book. No luck. I must've dropped it somewhere - she thought.

"Ms Higgins Chapter 7, now" Mcgonagall asked in an annoyed tone.

"Professor, I think you should ask someone else to read"

"But I have asked you" she replied in an angered polite way.

"Yes but you see the thing is I don't' well I cant I well-"

"Ms Higgins you have been very intent on distracting my class today- unless you wish to receive a detention you will read chapter 7. NOW!"

"Ummm. Yes Professor" There was no getting out of it. She slowly opened the book- but this time it didn't make any noise. Well that's a good sign. She opened the book to chapter 7 and proceeded on reading. 

"Fore play and the use of Sexual enhancing equipment. There are many spells that can be used to enhance sexual activity. Summoning spells are commonly used to summon what instruments you may already own such as leather products i.e. whips, costumes etc."(she held up the picture of a someone using a whip on someone-they were making painful but pleasurable noises) "There are however other spells that are simpler but effective. The horny spell is used to put people into a state of sexual urge making them extremely in need of sex. Simple chant Hornios and your partner will be in the mood.

If you'll look to figure 1.3 you will see the effects of the Horny spell." She held up the picture to the class. Ron turned his head sideways. 

Joanne stopped reading and placed the book on the desk.

The entire class was now howling with laughter- (you'd think they'd be a bit more mature by now!) Joanne slid right down her chair. She was so embarrassed. But hey it had been a bit funny.

"Ms Higgins," Professor Mcgonagall started, looking quite flushed. " I suggest you leave those kinds of books for you own personal time. And next time bring your TRANSFIGURATION book to my lessons."

She dismissed the class and they all piled out of the room- almost having to hold each other up- for being in stitches of laughter. 

They were quoting parts of what Joanne had read- 

"I'm so in touch with my sexual energy now" Dean laughed. 

"I guess it's time to dust off the old leather products now that I know they are sexual enhancing equipment" Seamus joked. And others just began trying to use the Horny spell on each other- which didn't work to its full extent it just had people becoming quite flushed and breathing more heavily for a few seconds.

Joanne waited until everyone was gone before leaving herself. But someone else was waiting for her.

"I think I've got something that belongs to you" came a weak voice.

"Huh" Joanne turned around. 

"

I've got your transfiguration book", Hermione answered.

"How did you- Are you trying to play some kind of practical joke on me?" Joanne asked irritated. 

"No. Last night at the library, when I dropped my books I must have accidentally picked up one of yours." She handed Joanne her REAL transfiguration book.

"So I guess this is yours" she gave Hermione the Karma Sutura book- weird expression on her face.

Hermione quickly took it from her. 

"No it's not mine, you see I found it amongst some other books I picked up a few weeks ago. When we had that potions assignment to do I asked Professor Snape what books would be the most useful. He wasn't too helpful in his advice so I asked if I could borrow some of his own books that he had down in his office. He was reluctant at first but then he handed me a whopping great pile of them. Well I was reading through them and I found this book along with the others."

"What have you been doing with it?" Joanne raised her eyebrows. 

"I started reading it and it was really interesting… NOT that I'm into that sort of thing. I mean I was going to return it though."

"I see" – I'm sure expression on face.

"I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about it being my book. I know everyone thinks it's your book but you can tell them that it was just misplaced at the library or something- I'll back you up."

"All right"

"Thanks" She replied gratefully.

"It'll just be our little secret then" 


	5. The many Fetishes of Snape

Chapter 5- The many Fetishes of Snape. 

Girls are damn confusing there like some kind of endless enigma. What did I do? I hate being mad at her. She's so cute when she's pissed off. The way that vein in her forehead bulges. The scarlet colour her cheeks turn when she's ready to knock me out flat. I get so turned on by anger- Malfoy's thoughts during the next double of Potions.

"Come on baby?" he pleaded. "I'll make it up to you or should I say I'll make out to make it up with you" – smug look on his face.

But he was ignored by Joanne who was sitting across from him.

Thinking he'd give himself a break for a while he twisted around to see Harry making eyes with Elisabeth and by the looks of it she was making eyes back with him. 

"You're ridiculous Potter!" He snarled.

"Shut up Malfoy at least she's not pissed off at me" he replied smartly.

"At least I've got the guts to do something with her" 

Harry clenched his fists under the desk. 

The class formed groups of two. After being rejected by Joanne, Malfoy pulled Harry over and told him he was in his group, much to his dismay(he wanted to go with Elisabeth!!!). 

( A/N: Ok I need to explain this so you know where I'm coming from :Malfoy is still a little bastard towards Harry and co. but they managed to save his life last year against Voldemort. 'cause his dad turned against his own son and was left to practically die- long story. so they have all become semi- friends. They aren't like besties but they don't full hate each other.)

So Elisabeth went with Joanne, Ron with Hermione. 

"Ms Higgins. I need to have a word with you." Snape pulled her away leaving Elisabeth to chop the Asphodel and Monkshood at the table by herself.

"I have noticed that you and Mr Malfoy have become quite close lately"

"You might say that" she answered looking the other way as Malfoy shot a smile in her direction. 

"I have also noticed that you possess many qualities of a Slytherin"

What- no I don't Joanne thought to herself. 

"So I have asked to have you put into Slytherin House. I have already smoothed it over with Professors' Mcgonagall and Dumbledore they are going to allow it. Though Professor Mcgonagall was rather resistant at first but she soon came around. You're belongings have already been taken to the Slytherin dormitory, the password is 'Tillyfrog' I'm sure one of the students will be able to escort you to the tower. Now get back to work" He snarled.

Feeling quite astounded she went back to work with Elisabeth. 

"What was all that about?" Elisabeth asked.

"Apparently I'm to change houses. I'm now in Slytherin"

"oh"

"Not that I want to be. That's the last place I want to go right now." She then explained everything that had happened with Malfoy.

"Well you'll have to come up to Gryffindor Tower and have a farewell party. We can sneak some food in from the kitchens maybe even a few bottles of butterbeer. Ron reckons he knows how to get down there, says there really friendly."

"Good I'll be there." Joanne said as she took over the chopping giving Elisabeth a break. 

"So you fancy Ron then eh?"

"No. I mean not that he isn't a fine piece of work, I have someone else in mind." She stared over at Harry's table. 

"Uh Huh. Mr Potter. Go on " She said seeing Elisabeth was obviously dying to tell her everything. 

Harry grabbed the required ingredients and slammed them onto the table- he was still pissed about Malfoy's previous remark.

"Should've told me you were so touchy about this subject potter" He smirked. (note: Malfoy gets to smile and smirk-BUT he may never grin! That's Ron's job is taken! LOL)

"You know you're the pathetic one. You can't stop yourself from making your own girl / friend from hate you" he answered back.

"You're just jealous because you are not the love machine that I am" he stroked his chest and then flexed his muscles." You don't have the balls to do anything risky"

"I don't know why you're picturing my balls but I'll have you know there are plenty of balls to be had. There's no shortage in that department" Harry said.

"Potter, please no more about you're balls" Malfoy replied pretending to gag." I'm not that kind of male"

"I'm just as risky as you are! I am after all the boy who lived" He spoke proudly.

"Potter, I meant taking risk on the sexual frontier as well as the dare side of things"

"You sayin' I cant handle a dare now?"

"Yes, yes I am"

"Well prove it. Give me a dare" Harry answered confidently as he added powered ginger roots to their bowl.

"K then…" said Malfoy looking around the room for some kind of dare. Then he spotted the Veritaserum. "Slip some of that truth potion into Snape's glass on the desk"

"Are you mad! He'll see me! And how are we supposed to know how long it'll last it could last for hours he'd know by then what's happened."

"You said you could handle it" He said maliciously. "Just put half a drop in. It shouldn't last more than till the end of the lesson- and we're the only ones who'll know. I'll distract him while you put it in"

He hesitated for a minute. 

"OK" he agreed.

"

Harry headed over to the cupboards wearily- watching where Snape was.

"Professor!" Malfoy called out. He had deliberately added the wrong components to the concoction and it had started to bubble and froth quite rapidly. Professor Snape swooped over angry though he blamed it mostly on Harry- 

"Malfoy you really should partner with someone who knows what there doing" As he spoke Harry was pouring half a drop of truth telling potion into Snape's glass. Then Harry hurried back over to the bench with Snape and Malfoy. 

"Nice of you to turn up again potter," He said sarcastically. "Leaving Mr Malfoy with this mess, 5 points from Gryffindor"

But Harry didn't care. He'd done the dare now Malfoy would shut up and in a few moments Snape would be spilling his guts. He just hoped he wouldn't figure out it was him.

"Mr Potter please get back on task" He glared at Harry then left them alone to their brew. 

"Nicely executed Potter" Malfoy said applauding. "All we have to do now is wait for him to drink it."

They both watched Snape wander around the room. He praised the Slytherins looked down on the Gryffindors went back to his desk and reached out to pick up his- Harry and Malfoy held their breathes- quill and wrote on a piece of parchment. They both looked glum.

"The lesson will be over soon," Harry said. 

"Think Potter! We've got to make him want to drink. We need to make him thirsty"

"We need a spell that'll make him feel heat" Harry replied. "But if we do that he'll know that someone's done it"

"It's all part of the risk" Malfoy smirked- annoyingly reminding him.

"Yes yes I get it. Can-io you feel-io the heat-io" (once again I apologize but I am too lazy to actually find a proper spell JK does them so good) 

Harry pointed his wand at Snape who was congratulating Millicent Bulstrode on how well her potion was stirred(He loves to find the littlest things to commend them on). Snape started to pull his robes to let some more air flow in. He wiped the sweat off his forehead. He began puffing. He was starting to look as though he had just run a 6 km marathon.

He walked over to his desk, stretched out his hand and pulled the glass to his mouth. Then he swallowed the water he was much in need of. 

Harry pulled his wand out once again and chanted, 

"Feel-io normal-o temperature again-o"

The sweat disappeared from his forehead. He stopped fanning himself with his hand.

"Lets bring him over here" Malfoy said evilly. "Professor!" Malfoy called again.

"What is the dilemma now, Mr Malfoy" He swept towards them. 

"Err its Potter sir. He .. he he's making eyes at me and it's uncomfortable"

Malfoy looked over at Harry, 

WHAT?! He mouthed to Malfoy looking angry.

Malfoy shrugged his shoulders.

"Mr Potter only I can and will make eyes at Mr Malfoy" He stopped thinking to himself- did I just say that.

Harry tried to stifle his laughter but Malfoy looked mortified.

"aherm" Snape cleared his throat. "That came out wrong what I meant was I have major eyes for Mr Malfoy." He couldn't stop himself. Harry was almost bursting with laughter now. "I can't wait to kiss Draco's soft lips again. He turns me on."

"What do you mean again?" Malfoy asked both horrified and suspicious.

"The night in the suit of armor. That was me you made out with." Snape clasped his hands to his mouth. He took them away slowly thinking it had stopped but,

"I used a Polly-juice potion to change into Joanne so I could fulfill my own sick fantasies about making out with you Draco because I love your sexy body"

Harry could no longer contain himself he was laughing hard but trying to surpress it so the rest of the class would not be drawn to them. 

Malfoy stood there. Then he grabbed his robes and began wiping his tongue- feeling completely gross.

"Umm professor" Harry managed to say through the giggles. 

"Do you Enjoy wearing lipstick?"

"Well it has been a fetish of mine since I was a young lad" 

"What about the name Momo?" Malfoy managed though he was half choking- trying to stop himself from being sick.

"Oh it's been kind of a fantasy I've had since I was a child you see one summer in Sussex. Oh I was a young boy then. It was where I first really discovered my sexuality. A young group of friends myself included were all exploring our sexual nature. It was there that a rather shady tree in the dark and a tall muscular man help me discover the true calling of my life." Then he stopped. The colour suddenly drained from Harry and Malfoy's faces. The potion had worn off.

A very enraged Snape stood over them. 

"Mr Potter, Mr Malfoy", he began quietly. " I know one of you put a heating spell upon me and I know one of you poured a drop of Veritserum into my glass." He looked at them with such anger.- even for him.

"Professor or should I say Momo you haven't any proof of it" Harry said cunningly- he was going to milk this for all it was worth.

"All right, I get it. You keep my secret and I wont put you on detention." He said, mad that he had to make such a deal.

"Sounds good Momo" Harry smirked. 

"Don't push it Potter" He gritted through his teeth. "You're only getting out of detention this once. And if you think you're going to go blabbing this to everyone I might just happen to slip something into your drink. And I think you'll find it slightly worse than a truth telling potion" He glared at Harry. 

The smirk form Harry's face was wiped off. They both swore never to speak of Snape's extra curricular activities. Malfoy was looking very pale. He still felt sick about snogging his own head of house. Snape swept passed them and returned to his desk where he poured the rest of the glass out. 

"Happy now? I told you I could handle it"

"Yeah but that was nothing. I do things like that all the time" Harry looked about to laugh again. 

"Not him! I didn't even know I was doing him!"

"Oh sure you didn't"

"Can it Potter. It was just one small dare. I wouldn't go getting all cocky yet. You're still a timid little mouse as far as I'm concerned"

"All right then why don't we settle this later -tonight Gryffindor common room- if you're up for it? OR are you pussy"

"No I get pussy" he smiled evilly. "Just give me the password and I'll be there"

"Frizzle sparks" Harry said in a hushed voice so not to be heard.

"Shall we say 11?"

"Sure. If it's not past your bedtime." He scoffed. 

"Of course not …Momo" he said mischievously.


	6. Dares & Closets, Butterbeers & Tongues

Chapter 6- Dares & Closets, Butterbeers & Tongues

Out reached a shaky hand. Eyes scrunched shut. His hand reached out further and further.

The room was filled with shrieks and giggles. 

"You've got quite a firm grip on ya Weasley" Seamus smiled.

"Oh my god. I can't believe I just did that. Ewwwww!"

Ron Weasley chaser and captain for the Gryffindor quidditch team had just been dared to place (or as it was stated 'grab') Seamus Finnigan's arse.

A/N: I did get that part off American pie 2 so don't bother flaming me for it. I couldn't think of anywhere else he could grab. The other alternative is just too grosse.

"Alright, Alright. Who's next?" said Malfoy waving his butterbeer around.- He'd begun to have a few too many.

The game had started with Harry and Malfoy as was their agreement. Then Seamus and Dean had noticed their game and also joined in. 

Next was Ron he had just been showing Elisabeth and Joanne how to get into the kitchen, to get some food and drink for their farewell as Joanne's last night as a Gryffindor. After Malfoy made some noises imitating a chicken Ron decided to enter the game too.

Then Joanne and Elisabeth came in carrying several bottles of butterbeer plus some other snacks, pumpkin pastries and cauldron cakes amongst other things.

Joanne stopped at the sight of Malfoy. She gave him a look as if to say, ' What are you doing here?!'

Then continued walking with Elisabeth gesturing to the other side of the common room.

Elisabeth caught Harry's eye and they both blushed at one another.

Malfoy came over to them and offered them to join in. "Sound's like fun" Elisabeth said eyeing Harry who eyed back.

"No thanks" Joanne said firmly. "You can go if you want" She said to Elisabeth seeing that she wanted Joanne's approval that she would be alright by herself. 

"Joanne, I swear what happened the other night. It's not what you think." He pleaded.

"Oh really? Maybe it's exactly what I think." She replied angrily.

"It was Snape!" He said out loud.

Everyone stopped and looked over at them.

"It was Snape… Who kept my essay papers! I haven't seen them for weeks." Malfoy said the first words that popped into his head to compensate for an excuse for his yelling.

The eyes soon turned away and the only one's left were Joanne's which were opened wide.

"O.k Maybe it's not what I think" she spoke slowly, confused, looking for an explanation.

Malfoy decided he'd better confess the horrible, shuddering truth.

By the time Hermione walked in with the usual several books under an arm- Malfoy was getting Harry to back him up on his story. Though it sounded a little far fetched, though everything at Hogwarts was- Joanne believed Malfoy and they began making up for lost time.

"Get a room" Hermione muttered as she sat down on the lounge to see what everyone was up to.

"Oi get back over here and play" Harry called out to Malfoy.

As Malfoy led Joanne over to the group- they had all managed to convince Hermione to play. 

A few dares and several butterbeers later…

"It must be * hic * your turn" Harry turned to Malfoy. 

"O.k" Malfoy looked around the circle. "Hmmmm Hermione" he stared evilly at her.

"Your dare should you choose to accept it is a blind taste test" He smiled maliciously.

That's not too bad- Hermione thought.

Hold on with Malfoy everything's bad.

The blind fold was tied firmly around her head covering her eyes from view. 

"Stick out your tongue" , He commanded.

She did as she was told and sat with her pink tongue sticking out , white taste buds waiting readilt to taste whatever might touch them.

Mmmm, it was soft, smooth. (A/N: all you sick people out there it's not what it sounds like. Lol)

She stuck her tongue back in her mouth and swirled it around.

"It's chocolate" she said.

Well that wasn't too bad.

"All right next, tongue out"

This felt cold. It was soft and sugary. She pulled her tongue inside, "Mmm cream"

Everyone at the circle was staring at Malfoy. Chocolate? Cream? These were pretty ordinary things to be tasting. They were also delicious. Just what was he playing at?

But Malfoy's smile only broadened as she licked the last bit of cream from her lips. He knew what he was doing.

"Alright Granger, moving on. You're going to have to flex your tongue out for this one."

Hermione did as he instructed. Her tongue lingered out until it met with a smooth surface. It's taste was indescribable. She had never tasted anything like this before. As she moved her tongue along the bumps and craters the surface flinched slightly. She took her tongue away.

"I'm taking the blind fold off now" she said.

"Awww." Malfoy said pretending to sound disappointed. "I guess you've tasted enough. Wanna see what you've been sticking in your mouth then?" The malicious smile once again spread over his face.

"You got the first one right, chocolate. Next we had the lovely cream", he said sucking some off Joanne's finger- they both giggled. 

"Well" He began as Joanne wiped some cream form the corner of his mouth. " Get the last one?"

"No actually. Care to tell me?" She asked.

"He's sitting right over there " Malfoy held a finger out it was pointing towards… A very scarlet Ron buttoning his robes closest to his chest.

She had tasted Ron. Those bumps and craters she had felt were his perfectly carved abs. She found herself also going scarlet. She had to admit Ron tasted very good. She would definitely be going back for seconds. 

Trying to quickly diverge the attention from Ron and herself Hermione hastily said, "Right my turn. Ah Harry" Her eyes flickered with almost the same evil as Malfoys had just done. 

Harry gulped.

Hermione pulled over an empty beer bottle.

"I dare you-"

"Say the line!" Seamus interrupted.

"I'm not saying that stupid thing" Hermione answered back.

"Say it!"

"It's ridiculous!"

"Everyone has to say it! Here I'll help you. Your dare should you choose to accept it is…" Seamus said looking at Hermione.

Hermione ignored him and turned back to Harry who was still waiting to hear his dare.

"You have to spin this bottle and whoever it lands on you and that person have to spend 45 seconds in the broom closet"

She pushed the bottle within his grasp. Harry placed one hand on it closed his eyes and spun.

Round and round it sped, then it began to slow down. Slower and slower. It was going to land on… Seamus… no Malfoy… no Joanne… past Hermione. It stopped. 

Harry opened his eyes. The bottle was facing Elisabeth. He felt a sigh of relief. 

"You know what you've got to do now" Hermione said cheekily jerking her head towards the broom closet.

Harry got up and gestured to Elisabeth in a sort of lady's first manner. She gave a soft laugh then proceeded in direction of the closet.

Harry followed her in and closed the door behind him.

They were alone together in the darkness of the broom closet. It was quite cramped and Harry found himself being pressed up on Elisabeth quite closely. Which neither of them minded.

"We've only got 45 seconds" Elisabeth said breaking the silence. 

"Maybe we should just give in and do what everyone thinks we're doing" Harry offered slyly.

"Well if everyone thinks we're doing it there's no harm _in_ doing it" She answered playing with the collar of his short.

"Dam peer pressure" Harry joked. "But maybe I want to do it" He leant forward about to kiss her but stopped. " Your Elisabeth aren't you?"

"Yes" She said puzzled.

"So you're not some adult trying to get onto me because your really twisted?"

"Harry it's me" She said kissing him ending the conversation.

The dares continued into the early hours of the morning and the more everyone drank the more bizarre the dares got.

There were at least 5 turns of 'in the closet'. Ron and Hermione, Malfoy and Joanne, Seamus and Dean, Elisabeth and Harry again. They had a few goes of it. Though Harry charmed the bottle so everytime he sun it, it would land on Elisabeth. " Would ya look at that" Harry said for the umpteenth time as the bottle once again landed on Elisabeth.

Dean and Seamus had to streak. "Hey stop peeking!" 

"I have seen it all before Dean" 

Malfoy was dared to wear Joanne's bra outside his own clothes for 30 minutes. Ron suggested the matching panties to go with it but Malfoy just glared at him.

Harry kissed the entire group, but took extra time on Elisabeth. 

Hermione had to 

And all the girls had been dared to take their bra's off and put them in the middle of the circle.

It must have been 2:30am before the group decided to finally retire.

Drunk and sleepy they made their way up to the dormitories and Joanne and Malfoy to the Slytherin common room.

As soon as their heads hit the pillows they were dead to the world.


	7. A Hogwarts Hangover

Chapter 7- A Hogwarts Hangover. 

Malfoy yawned and stretched out his arms. The sun was peeking in through the curtains drawn around his four poster bed.

He felt someone next to him. They were moving. He turned his head to find Joanne brushing the hair out of her face and then rolling over in her sleep.

Malfoy had no recollection of what happened the previous night. Had he done what he thought he had done? And if so how many times had he done it?

He felt something stirring on his other side. Was it someone else. He turned to his right and came face to face with…

"AHHHH!!!" 

Malfoy shot up in bed. It had just been a dream. His bed was empty. He lay back down and pulled the covers over his head.

Suddenly he felt clod air creeping in under the sheets. His covers had been torn off. He opened his eyes face to face with it again.

"AHHHHH!"

His eyes opened suddenly. It was all a dream. He looked around his bed. This time they were everywhere. Some still sleeping others rubbing their eyes as they woke up.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Breathing deeply and quickly Malfoy sprang out of bed. He lifted the blankets, nothing.

He looked around the Slytherin dormitory.

"It was just a dream" he told himself.

His head was pounding. "How much did I have to drink " He massaged his sore head.

He couldn't remember much of last night. Had it all been just a twisted dream?

"Owwww, my head" Ron moaned.

"I know what you mean, it feels like a bloody jackhammer's in my head", Dean added.

The usual chatter in the great Hall at breakfast was almost unbearable. 

Dean, Seamus, Ron and Hermione all had hangovers. 

"Does anyone remember what we _did _last night?" Seamus asked. 

"I remember the dares started with a couple of beers but the rest is just a blur" Dean said.

"Seeing as you two woke up in bed together maybe it's a good thing you don't remember" Hermione said.

"We weren't the only one's" Seamus jerked his head towards Harry and Elisabeth walking in. Harry was whispering in her ear and she was quietly laughing.

"Mornin" Grinned Ron as Harry took a seat next to him. 

Elisabeth sat across from them next to Hermione.

"Sleep well" Hermione asked sarcastically.

"Not really" Harry said smiling at Elisabeth.

BANG! Neville who was sitting at the other end of the table closest to Seamus had just tripped over the seat getting up.

"Owwww!" Seamus howled patting his head. He was followed by five more ow's.

"Hi Ronnikins" Ginny called in Ron's ear. 

"Owwww GIN!" Ron complained. He was followed by five more ow's.

Why are you guys owing for?" Ron asked looking at the five holding their heads in pain.

"That hurt" Elisabeth said angrily.

"She said it in my ear" Ron said looking for some sympathy.

"It still hurt" Harry said.

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes I'm sure"

"You woke up by yourself?"

"Yes I did."

"And you didn't have any weird dreams?"

"No"

Malfoy was tense. Joanne and he walked in silence the rest of the way to breakfast. Then she spoke. "Is everything alright Draco?"

"Uh YeAh, fine" His voice sounded as if it was breaking.

"Really?" She raised her eyebrows studying his hands that were fidgeting irritably.

"You have to promise not to say anything", he whispered as they entered the Great Hall. Joanne smiled over at the six Gryffindors who all looked over and gave pained smiles back as they rubbed their heads.

"What were you saying?" Joanne looked back at Malfoy who still looked tense.

"Well I've been having these dreams about… SHIT!" He dropped his goblet on the table. "That coffee is bloody hot!"

"Ahhh, loud noises" Joanne reminded him kneading her head. 

"OW!"

"OW!"

"OW!"

"OW!"

"OW!"

"OW!"

Came six voices form the Gryffindor table.

"That was strange" Joanne muttered. " You were saying?"

"These dreams, well they're more like nightmares" He stopped, Joanne was running her hands down Malfoy's side. Down further and further. Pansy Parkinson got up with a "HUMPH!" and left. 

Having a thing for Malfoy she was insanely jealous when Joanne became the new object of Malfoy's affection. She had taken to being extra harsh towards her. She flung all of Joanne's clothes out of her trunk around the common room last night, and had made it a habit to have her foot stuck out whenever Joanne walked past.

Joanne laughed wickedly. "Got ya, stupid bitch! Sorry go on" She turned back to Malfoy, hands to herself.

"These nightmares, well they're always of the same thing"

"And what's that?"

Malfoy whispered in her ear.

"What didn't hear you?" 

He whispered again this time more fiercely.

"Oats?" Joanne asked perplexed.

"GOATS!" Malfoy said exasperated.

"Ohh Goats"

"I've never told any one this but I have a horrible phobia of goats. I keep finding myself waking up in bed with them. They're everywhere you want to be!"

"Maybe you should see Madam Promfrey?"

"No! I cant tell anyone about this! Promise me you wont say anything?"

Joanne nodded.

"I just don't want to be alone right now" Malfoy said in a tiny voice.

Now look directly at your bowl and pronounce the words, Flamero liquid-o" Professor Flitwick squeaked.

Harry and Ron were working together but so far had only managed to produce a few glittering sparks on their bowl of water. They were supposed to be forming a fire on top of the water.

"Nobody told me hangovers lasted this long" Ron growled as he managed to make the water smoke.

"I didn't even have that much to drink and my heads still bangin" Harry said.

"It's not just us. Everyone's got it. Even Mione and she had the least out of OW!" Ron grabbed his head.

So did Harry.   
"OW!" Hermione and Elisabeth were moaning.

"OW!" So were Seamus and Dean from the far corner.

Everyone stared at them.

"Is there a problem" Professor Flitwick asked politely.

But just then Neville's bowl caught fire and Professor Flitwick hurried over to put it out.

"Strange" Harry muttered as all six looked at one another.

Luckily the bell rang and the Gryffindors made their way to History. 

While bustling through the corridor past the dozens of students Harry spotted Malfoy. His robes were torn and he looked like something had exploded near him.

"What happened to you?" Harry said looking him up and down.

"didn't do much for my hangover. Its still there and it still hurts when loud noises are made."

"Mine too" Harry said puzzled. "I'll see ya later then Ferret"

"Not if I see your scar first"


	8. Remedies are my Secret

Disclaimer: I still don't own JK Rowlings Characters. Sorry for the delay in chapters. Thanks to all my reviewers… especially those who have reviewed every chapter. Buone appetite!

Chapter 8- Remedies are my Secret.

"Dean, hit Seamus on the head"

"Awww, can't he hit me on the arse"

"No it has to be on the head"

"Sorry honey, I'll make up for it later, I promise"

WHACK!

OW!  
OW!  
OW!  
OW!

OW!

OW!

"Hermione what the hell are you trying to do" Ron rubbed his head.

"Prove my theory" she replied smartly.

"Why does your theory involve so much pain" Harry said.

"Haven't you all been just a little curious as to why every time a loud noise is made we all seem to feel it? Including Malfoy" she pointed to the Slytherin table where Malfoy and Joanne were moaning. AN: not that moaning! Lol

"Honestly don't you six read. Here it is" She pulled out a Hogwarts, a history from her bag. "A Hogwarts Hangover. If anyone drinks inside Hogwarts they may be subject to a 'Hogwarts Hangover', an unusually long hangover that lasts 24 hrs after the drinking has occurred. If however the drinkee or drinkers have consumed enough alcohol and consumed within 5 metres of each other at the same time, it may occur in a joint hangover, making each drinker feel what the other feels no matter where they are in the school grounds. It also doubles the pain inflicted, so each drinker may hear a noise or feel something louder or harder than it actually is. Joint Hogwarts hangovers have been known to include 20 people at the one time." She finished looking back at everyone.

"So that means we've got. One, two " Seamus counted on his fingers.

"we've got roughly 4 hours left"

"Four hours!" Ron exclaimed. " I don't think I can take much more of this"

"Isn't there a remedy for it?" Elisabeth asked.

"I dunno" Hermione traced her finger down the page. "Here. It looks pretty simple I can have it done in fifteen minutes. But we've all got to take it together."

"So we all take it and it works right?" Harry said waving his hand around the table.

"Yes. But you forgot Malfoy and Joanne. It will only be successful if everyone who was drinking, takes it."

Elisabeth got up and walked over to Malfoy and Joanne. She whispered in their ears and they both nodded. 

Hermione moved next and went to get the potion ready.

"This is perfect!" Joanne said to Malfoy.

"What no more hangover?"

"Yes, but I've got a little potion of my own." she pulled a small vile from her robes.

"What is that a potion to spice up our love life" He said moving closer to her eyebrows raised evil grin.

"No. It's a potion to stop you having those nightmares." Malfoy looked somewhat disappointed.

"Well how am I ever gonna get you in the sack if your thinking about goats" She poked him playfully. "You need to take it while your enemy drinks another potion, so you overcome your fear, and of course Harry is as good as enemy as anyone else. Don't ask me why that's just what the book said" She shrugged her shoulders. AN: don't ask me either, I don't know what book she was reading. Lo

l

"I work hard for the money! So hard for the money! I work hard for the money so you better treat me right!".

"What's that music coming from Snape's office" Elisabeth asked. 

"Probably Peeves or someone playin a joke" Ron answered.

"So hard for the money so you better treat me right!" Snape sang into his wand, like a microphone.

They found Hermione in an empty classroom with a cauldron set in front of her. 

She ladled a small amount of the concoction into 8 small glasses. 

"Seamus, you grabbed my arse!" Dean turned around.

"I'm sorry I thought it was my arse"

Everyone looked at them funny.

"It's very dark in here" he defended.

"So what am I supposed to do with this" Malfoy whispered.

"Just slip it into the hangover remedy, it can't make any difference" Joanne whispered back.

Everyone took a glass and shot it down their throats. The potion worked almost immediately because Ron hit Harry on the head and no one else complained. Except of course harry who beat him back.

"Do you feel better?" Joanne asked Malfoy as they walked back to their common room. 

"Yeah. But my throat feels a bit weird" He said rubbing it.

"It'll pass" she said.

"Hey it's your birthday in a few days, is there anything I can do for you?" He asked seductively. 

"Maybe" She smiled back. 

"I see what I desire. I see myself holding Draco. But how do I get him?!" Snape spoke to his cardboard cut out of Malfoy. "The girl! Use the girl! Of course! I shall use Ms Higgins to be with my beloved. Soon we will be together" he stroked Draco's face. "Soon" 

"Hey we can go to Hogsmede this weekend", Ron said pointing at the sign pinned up in the common room. 

"Yeah, you gonna go?"

"Yeah. What about u Mione?"

"Ummm. I don't know. I think I might need to stay back and finish my Arithmancy essay"

"It's just one little essay Hermione. Come and have some fun with us", Elisabeth said.

"No .. I think I'll just stay back this time"

"O.k but all work and no play makes Mione a dull little girl"

Hermione scowled at Ron. 

"Oi! Harry , come here" Ron whispered. "I just found out about this new place in Hogsmede. It's called 'The Shack'. It's right next door to the Shrieking shack."

"Why would I want to go there for?" Harry asked confused.

"Because you're male! Because you have throbbing biological urges that you need to fufill"

"Ron, why the hell do I want to go to an old shack?"

"It's not the shack that's important, it's what's on the inside"

"And what exactly would be on the inside?"  
"Harry, it's a strip club"

"What? A strip club. Here in Hogsmede? How did you find out about it"

"Well you can thank your good old Mauraders map for that one. I saw an invisible passage that only appears when you say 'coyote'. It leads right from the school to the underground club"

Ron stood back looking very pleased with himself.

"Have you been there before?" Harry asked.

"Nar. I only found it a few days ago. Hermione had it out. And I took it from her and said I was giving it back to you. So , what d'you say we go there while we're in Hogsmede. Senior students discount" He tempted Harry.

"Ron I don't need to go to a bar to see naked chicks. Ive got everything I need right here" He pointed to Elisabeth.

"Oh go on Harry. It's not like we aren't old enough."  
"Why don't you take Malfoy"

"And on that note I'd prefer to go alone"

"Cya Mione" The gang called out from the carriages that would take them to the train station.

Hermione waved and did her best to look sad even though she really wasn't.

"Bye!" she yelled as the carriages sped off.

'time to get dressed' she said to herself.

Hermione entered the empty common room. She opened her trunk and then pulled out a smaller locked box. She opened it using the key and emptied the contents.

Pulling her robes around herself to keep warm she made her way out of the Tower and into the castle.


End file.
